Tasha

I can't stand the "Oprah" show and almost all "chick flicks"

The Philadelphia Inquirer
Posted on Sun, Oct. 26, 2008


A spending wake-up call
By Stacey Burling and Carolyn Davis

Inquirer Staff Writers

Try walking through King of Prussia mall with a tightwad's mind-set - what other mind-set is there these days? - and you can quickly see yet another reason the economy is on shaky ground.
The sprawling mall complex is a temple to America's consumer culture - a gleaming, seductive repository of brand-name dreams that prospered through a long, indulgent, credit-fueled buying spree.

Now that the party's over, you may look with a more jaded eye upon Nordstrom's $1,195 high-heeled Jimmy Choo boots, the $455 Badgley Mischka bag at Lord & Taylor, Free People's $128 ruffled skirt (about 16 inches long), the $12 dish soap (17.5 ounces) at Restoration Hardware.

Might the staggering economy, plunging market, falling home prices, and uncertain gasoline prices inspire a collective revelation that shatters the foundations of bling, fabulousness, and the consuming life as we've known it? As in: Wait a minute. We don't need this stuff.

Could frugality become cool?

This is a frightening prospect in an economy that counts on consumers for two-thirds of spending, but some cultural observers see it as the silver lining in our monetary dark cloud.

"What are the opportunities here? I think there's a chance to rethink a lot of assumptions and habits and values and behaviors," said Jim Wallis, president of Sojourners, a religious social-justice organization.

As the country considers more regulation for its financial sector, he said, "we also may need new self-regulation."

Tara Weiner, managing partner for the greater Philadelphia region for Deloitte, said she thought people liked the sound of conservation better than frugality. Whatever you call it, she said she thought it was the new wave, a "structural shift" in attitudes that dovetails with the green movement and suits a world where economic pain is cutting across the demographic spectrum.

Kit Yarrow, a psychologist at San Francisco's Golden Gate University, who studies consumer behavior, said she thought many people were ready to live a simpler life. They have felt bad enough about their profligate spending that pulling back will feel liberating.

She, and others who study consumer culture, said some people might be happy to dial back the birthday party wars, rethink the prom limo, buy just one nice handbag, and reconsider what it means to be middle class.

"I think it's going to be cool to be thrifty," Yarrow said. "I think a lot of people have felt like the level of consumption they've had in the last 10 years felt like gluttony."

Even people who still have money will likely cut back, she said, out of respect for those who do not. "It will feel bad to be ostentatious - except to the most callous out there."

More cynical observers say it is too early to forecast a nation that will cast aside its Sex-and-the-City buying fantasies forever - or even for a generation - and fall instead for a show about a group of hardworking girlfriends who shop at used-clothing stores, make their own pizza, and go to the library.

After all, the effect of 9/11 on behavior was far less than many pundits predicted.

"I don't know if I see the resurgence of a Protestant work ethic. I doubt it," said Waheed Hussain, who teaches legal studies and business ethics at the Wharton School. He thinks people are more likely to buy smaller iPods and SUVs than to forgo that cachet entirely. "It would take a lot more than what we've seen so far to create that."

Stephen Hoch, a Wharton retailing expert, thinks people are chastened and will change their ways. For a while.

"I do think it's a wake-up call for right this minute," he said. "People recognize they were out of control. Given the same opportunities, it's not clear to me they wouldn't do it again."

On a recent work night, King of Prussia mall still had shoppers, the usual bored-looking men and purposeful women. Some carried bags from high-end stores. Others were shopping for their children.

Two girlfriends from the Scranton area piled bags on a table as they took a break. They had already dropped some purchases at the car and planned to buy more on their way out. One works for a car dealership that has recently said it would lay some workers off. She did not want her name used because of her employer's financial condition. Her friend works for Wal-Mart, where things are hopping.

"I'm not worried about my job," she said. "If anything, everybody should be trying to get a job at Wal-Mart."

Almost all of their spending was for their preschoolers. They had gone to the Disney Store and KBtoys and found other good sales. "A lot of things we bought that we didn't need, we paid ridiculously low prices for," said the Wal-Mart worker.

In Philadelphia that day, Kevin Tilsner, who drives for Papa John's pizza at night, played in a park with his 4-year-old son, Max, while waiting for his wife to finish work at a bank. They do not go out to dinner or the movies much now and have taken in boarders for extra income since Max was born. They are trying to instill a "nonconsumeristic" attitude in their son.

Tilsner said this would be a lean Christmas for his family. He said Max "doesn't need all the plastic nonsense" that goes with Christmas. "The love I can provide him is better than a Hess truck."

Lisa Wise is executive director of the Center for a New American Dream, a nonprofit organization that encourages people to cut back, partly for environmental reasons. Parents, she said, now have a "really good set of reasons to talk to their kids about the difference between needs and wants and scaling back. Now's a really great teaching moment."

Buying experts said that people with lower incomes had been "trading down" for a couple of years now and that it was spreading to upper incomes.

Michael Silverstein, a senior partner at Boston Consulting Group, said many people were scrimping, sometimes so they can splurge more selectively. "Macaroni and cheese is having one of its best years ever," he said.

But women, who make most buying decisions, still want a nicer house, a bigger kitchen, a vacation with the family, and that won't go away, he said.

Once the economy stabilizes, he said he thought they would start buying again. Today's hard times will be a "largely forgotten" little scar.

The country could make the new behaviors last longer by creating tax incentives for savers, said Karl S. Okamoto, who directs Drexel University's business and entrepreneurship law program.

He said he did not believe that people were naturally reckless spenders. It is "human nature to gather nuts," he said, but society influences what the nuts are. "Why isn't knowledge for its own sake a nut? Why isn't time with people you are fond of a nut? That it has to be something you put in a shiny blue box is a cultural value."

He doubts that the forces in favor of frugality will win. "Who's going to provide that anchor that resists billions of dollars of advertising and a cultural assumption that the market is the place to make decisions?" he asked.

Yarrow, who studies generational differences in buying, said he thought baby boomers, many of whom grew up in leaner times, would find it relatively easy to adjust. But "it's going to be extremely painful" for younger people.

Neil Howe, a historian who also studies generations, has high hopes for millennials, those born between 1982 and 2002. Yes, they have had it pretty easy, he said, but they are confident, work well together, and care about community. He said he thought they were most like what he called the G.I. Generation, the relatively sheltered group that came of age as the Depression hit. They rebuilt the country.

He said he thought younger people could handle living with less. "Remember that when you break apart the old order," he said, "you create huge opportunities for the young."

Several years ago, I joined an online Star Wars fan club for women (which is still in existance, although much quieter) and I took a look yesterday at the originial posts from 1999. It was so interesting to go back to that time...everyone seemed like they were having so much fun with it all. I often wonder what happened to many of those women (I still keep in touch a couple of you - you know who you are!).

"What does it mean?

You watch one or two series, but you don't try to impress your neighbors with your trivia knowledge. You're a fan, but you try not to take it too far. "



"What does it mean?

Pat yourself on the back. You are up there, although there's still more to learn. Feel the Force, put down the taco, and Google up some more Star Wars knowledge to feed your hunger."

Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included.

1. I had never heard of fan fiction until 1999 when I found a Star Wars fan club for women online. It had never occurred to me to actually write any of those kinds of stories in my head down on paper. And it never *ever* occured to me to "slash" any characters together - I couldn't believe it when I read my first slash story (by accident) - I almost fell off my chair!

2. I'm completely hooked on Stargate SG-1.

3. Most of my wardrobe is made up of used clothing from yard sales and church rummage sales.

4. I love rock music, particularly alternative, and even though, around here, once you turn 40 you're supposed to listen to classical music, jazz or a few acceptable rock groups (U2, Springsteen and the Rolling Stones), I hope I will listen to Dave Matthews and Everclear and Steely Dan when I'm an old lady.

5. I'm a first kyu brown belt in the goju style of karate. That means the next test I will take is for black belt (although I don't expect to be asked to test for some time yet). I never ever thought I'd get this far.

6. Most of the time I feel like an outsider wherever I am, unless I am alone or with my immediate family or very close friends. I rarely feel like I "belong", so when I have that feeling, I value it highly, and I value highly the people that make me feel comfortable.

Tagging jocundfey, the_haunt,and toeflower.

It's been one of those weekends that was just drudgery. I spent yesterday driving my kids to and from things, and going to the grocery store to do the weekly shopping. I made dinner. That was it. Today I did a little Christmas shopping and went to my son's basketball game. I made dinner. I cleaned up.

I had to give up karate for a little while because we need to save some money, and maybe missing class bothered me more than I thought it would (I usually take class on Saturday mornings).

I just feel like I'm in this cycle of work, housework, and sleep. It sucks.

17. This is one that I learned a long time ago but am only now actually putting into action.

I definitely have a problem with being envious of other people and I really try to squash it. I'm sure it comes from my lack of self-confidence and generally feeling unworthy, but it still makes me crazy. I met a friend of mine for a drink the other night, and although I like her, I don't like to hang out with her too much because she tends to brag a bit (but not in an obnoxious way), and it makes me feel like a loser. We're in similar professions, and she doesn't have kids and has her own business (like I do), so she's able to devote all of her time to the business, which I can't because of my family (which is the way I want it). But as a result, she's doing very well (or at least putting forth the notion that she's doing very well) and we're struggling to get more work. When I was listening to her talk about how much work she gets, and wishing she'd stop because I was feeling envious, it suddenly occured to me to look at her with a different eye - what can I learn from her? What is she doing right that I could do too? And suddenly, my envy was gone.

Now, I don't expect that I will never feel envious of someone again, but maybe when that hits I can look at it differently - look at that person as someone to learn from.

( My Interests Collage! )

Here's a biggie, for me:


16. When someone says or does something that hurts my feelings or offends me, my first thought has been "I'm too sensitive - that shouldn't bother me." I was trained from a very early age to acquiesce to everyone else and their opinions, never take offense, and never have an opinion of my own. I FINALLY learned recently that I don't have to take everyone else's crap. While it happens on occasion that everyone hurts someone else's feelings once in a while, take note if it's a regular thing (as I've found it is with some people), and learn that a person who belittles you and condescends to you (no matter how subtle it may be) is someone not to be trusted.

And it's okay to realize that and protect yourself from them!

10. Attitude is everything. (thanks, Jocundfey!)

11. Paraphrased from "Dog the Bounty Hunter", my favorite reason for getting married:

Dog said about him and his girlfriend, "We kick ass. I think when we're one, we can kick more ass."

12. "Buy it when you see it so you'll have it when you need it." (My mother)

13. Everything has a price. (My father)

14. People who worry have good imaginations.

15. Don't gossip and don't listen to gossip.